' shut up and listen.. '

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

My first ever diary entry of my life in Australia...

1 of 1095 days (hate to do it this way)
2 July 2001 SG - 18:40 MEL - 20:40

No internet access in my room yet as no one is at the reception counter to give me access to it. It opens for half a day everyday, which means, closes at 12pm from Mon-Wed, & Thur-Fri opens in the afternoon instead of morning. Using MS Word and it’s really nice typing on my new laptop.=) bought lots of essentials, got caught in the rain, freezing weather, went Jurassic Park (LOST world). Haha! Hope no one come asking me Melbourne got Jurassic Park ar?
My room’s not bad, smaller than expected, cleanliness... so-so la. Definitely not hotel standard though I was looking forward for it to be that way. Oh ya! How can I forget to tell you all that I waited for more than 3 hours for the airport reception! To be frank, no point complaining like how you always do in Singapore. I was not the only one you see. Eventually a man named Peter came to fetch us and he’s really nice. Something so USUAL happened- he didn’t believe my mum’s my mum. Being someone who loves Caucasians, my mum and him started chatting up in the car. Healthy conversation; but kinda lame as I just felt that he was trying to hit on my young mum. My mum just loves communicating with foreigner, so the Me sitting at the back of the car with the company of none other than a huge luggage either faded off from the background or from the back of their minds- don’t bother thinking as it’s a fusion of the two.
I miss home. I really do. I miss being comfortable in a clean room. I mean... at least the dirt in my room was mine; my definition of clean: no others’ dirt. If I don’t define, many will go “ya, I miss your clean room too.” You know what I mean. Just read through all the notes/ diaries my dear friends handed to me on my departure day. Didn’t read them on the plane cos I was freaked out by the idea of breaking down in tears all over again. RANDOM: I was seated beside 2 other girls as me n my mum checked in kinda late (others kia su la, check in so early). Guess wad, the friend that Maylene was telling me about was seated beside me. Denise, if I didn’t remember wrongly. She knows Glen as well. I couldn’t really recognise him on plane when the both of them were talking away as Glen was just an aisle away from her. Till the plane landed and we all gathered at the monash airport reception meeting point, I recognised Glen and the girl introduced herself as Denise. How coincidental. Coming back to the main topic of this entry.. I really miss too many things back in Singapore. The thought that I’m not here for holiday and the next time I’m returning to my comfort zone will be like MONTHS later????---made me sad. Reckoned I wouldn’t feel home sick on the first few days as my mum’s here with me. I suck at reckoning.
Back to the moments at the departure gate.. I still remember the faces of my dear friends, of my loved ones, some turned red from holding back their tears, some were retarded to emotions, some were laughing and trying to make it a happy departure, some kept standing a distance away yet is one of those who wanna just stick with me. As I get nearer and nearer to The Gate, my all-the-while-retarded reality sensor suddenly accelerated at such speed which I could not cope with and knocked down the smile that I was trying so damn hard to maintain. I knew I did a good job at photo taking session, I don’t wanna look ugly. But I really can’t make it pass 5 shots, luckily we had only 3, I think. “shoot me”, “bang” (inside joke).

I had so many thoughts and feelings running at the same moment.. so mixed feelings, gosh. The strongest contradiction was to go in the gate as fast as possible or to wait till the very last min. I wanted to enter The Gate asap at first, while I was still able to control my emotions and while my reality sensor was still as retarded as ever. But every I took, every move I make, is just like every attempt to commit suicide. Eventually, everyone knows the ending. I cried like a baby, uglily.=(
I miss each individual for individual reasons. Every single reason is enough to make me tear. I had to deal with ALL at one time when I was there, imagine the pain.. really, try imagining.. leaving your loved ones, and knowing you’ll feel so lost there too..there’s no turning back, an excruciating pain you have to go thru.. try visualising.
there, I felt fear in you. Yes, very scary feeling. It’ll eat you up from inside. However, the best medicine (yi du gong du), was actually just closing your eyes lean back and enjoy the take-off; tell yourself you’re finally leaving. The sound, speed, air pressure and altitude take all the fears and sadness away. Courage sets in with uncertainty, which was defeated by my curiosity on the Movies On Demand put up. Ok, I know, stupid conclusion. But I’m someone who throws unwanted unpleasant tots aside.. so ya. Haha!*yawn* it’s only abt 8pm in sg and I’m feeling so so so sleepy... zzZ.. guess cos my mum’s sleeping plus the Melbourne town in dead? Haha! n it’s VERY COLD HERE. BRRRrrr..... *shivers*

penned at*9:15 PM