Wednesday, February 01, 2006
i din use to truly understand when ppl say "u dun need alot of frenz, all u need is jus few good frenz n 1 best fren." so i hav LOTS n LOTS of frenz in my sec sch days. so many frenz that i cant spend enough time wif de few good frenz n my best fren, fiona. she told me b4 that "u hav too many commitments" and i hav frenz who told me that "u dun reply my msgs", "y din u pick up my call?" and when i finally realise that 'oh, eh? i used to be quite close to alvin. how come suddenly we now lik not that close?' n so i'll start to msg him n stuffs. n dere was once he told me "i msged u so many times, u din reply. i called u n u said u'll call back but u din. u din seem to not hav de time for me, n i was afraid i'm gettin more irritating.. so i jus wait for u to contact me when u finally thought of me as ur fren"-- dis was quite hurtin to hear.. it sounded lik he din think i treat him as one. but i do treasure him though. n dis kinda things doesn't happen jus to him, n it doesn't happen jus once to him. jus dat he told me such shocking truth tt i used him as an example (hope u're readin it alvin).
in hindsight, i was such an inconsiderate fren. i cldn't be exactly dere when dey needed me. all i care was myself.. whether i hav company, whether i'm havin fun wif de ppl ard me, whether i can click wif dem. n i SORT OF jus keep dem in my fon n dun use dem till i need dem. but i din do it intentionally i swear. i came to light i hav too many frenz (not realise only now but long time ago). n only truly understand y one only needs a few good frenz til i came to sajc n met de team n 1=5. came to sa.. din lik to go ard making frenz except to my own teammates la, it's lik a MUST. den classmates.. ya, n my whole life changed frm having too many frenz to very lil frenz. surprisingly, i was more than happy. i need jus abt 1% of sa's population to fill my life wif colours of rainbow. knew de importance of quality of quantity of frenz. was rather empty when i hav too many frenz. i cant find myself havin nth to do, havin no one to go ut wif me. though all can be fun n stuffs, but usually rched home feelin rather tired n din really leave deep impressions on my mind. i was jus entertaining myself wif frenz but not growing wif dem, learning wif dem, hav heart to heart talks.. but as for 1=5 case, totally diff. i seriously need no other frenz. yup, i hav a few bballers.. my teammates, classmates, n some others here n dere. dey're enough. i dun reject frenz dat come my way but am totally fine if de number of ppl i noe stops here. it was a concensus agreement among de 1=5 too!
n i hav another grp of important frenz. dey're de FC peeps. frenz frm sec sch - close frenz. dey r de ones who really grow wif me since i was 13. or rather, 12. dey still stood by me when i was bad.. when i was so inconsiderate. dey put up wif me n continued to be my pillar of strength n support at my back. n i really shld thank dem for being so understanding tt dey shld noe though i hav no time for dem n stuffs, dey're still important to me! feng rui owaz say things "i'm used to it. it's u wad" n whenever feng rui n fiona come tgt n come across things dat concern me, dey'll noe me best "giel wun XXX. she's probably XXX. i bet she forgot abt it AGAIN." dey're owaz right. no one beats feng rui n fiona. my love.
LASTLY, i admit i once craved for attention. i admit i once neglect de precious ppl in my life. but NOW, i'm so proud to say tt i've grew out of all dat. wad's popularity? how much does it worth? can attention given to me make my life more meaningful? hell no. i'm not ashamed by who i WAS. it's jus de growing years.. n i'm still growing, so maybe one day i'll look back, thinkin tt some things tt i'm doing now r silly. jus lik how i'm looking back now thinkin i was foohlish to treat my frenz de way i treated dem. dat i din giv dem de attention dey deserve so much. hereby i apologise. n i give my word to my new grp of precious frenz, 1=5 tt dey'll be treasured dearly. as for FC peeps, esp feng rui n fiona, u all mean a great deal, u guys noe tt.=) a lesson well learnt n it was god who made me suddenly realise how much i've changed. he put me in SA for a reason. no, for many reasons. n to learn to treasure my frenz, to understand de meaning of having quality frenz, is one of de reasons. no one is here by chance.=)
