' shut up and listen.. '

Monday, August 15, 2005

(dis post damn long la, not ctss ppl, no need read)

i like to slack, yet i dun. studies wise, yes. but trg wise, otherwise. i wanna train! i wanna train till i drip. but i hate long dist run.. lik dunno wad. SERIOUSLY. hor hsin? i can do sit ups, push ups, sprints (suicides). but NO long dist run. anyway, in court, i wun be jogging non stop.. i'll be sprinting, breaking, jumping.. though i muz admit LDR trains endurance. i wld owaz sigh when it comes to suicides. but aft each grumble, i'll giv my best. dat's cos i love my sport. netball. i noe dat aft each pain, i wld become stronger. no matter how much i dread a certain, i muz endure.. persevere - jus to achieve perfection. it's de passion dat keeps me going everytime i sprained an ankle n had to bear wif de pain to play a match. it's de passion dat keeps me in dis sport for 7+ yrs. but when prompt y dun i join dis club, dat club.. dat's cos i dun believe in recruiting a grp of experienced players to play together as a team.. how can i experience de true meaning of victory? how can i experience de joy frm within? i believe in growing as a team. all of us started off wif nth. n a team grows tgt lidat. u start frm learning how to throw a ball, learn de rules of a game, learn de tactics, learn how to overcome ur fear n cope wif stress. de constant stress of wanting to perform. de desire to play on court, de desire to be main players. aft all these, wad we called, sour sweet bitter spice, de bond unknowingly formed.. de bond dat binds each n everyone in de team together. internal conflicts may surface. teammates may quarrel. but de bond's nv broken. NEVER. when we play on court wif ppl we grow in dis sport wif, de feelin is different frm playin in a team when everyone is good. though victory is more or less guaranteed, but de sense of belonging is nv dere. de bond is VDW? compared to H bonding. chemistry. LOl.

i once grew in dis team. we started off wif nth. i learned soOo much frm ms koh sarah n ms lee. sec 1 a diff coach, ms lee. trained to join de sec 2s for zonal tournament. aft de season, ms koh n sarah. dey trained other unexperienced players as well. dey brought us up. i owe dem(+ ms lee) to who i am today. my team has got NOTHIN. we dun train wif seniors. we noe nth much abt competing in zonal tournament. but we jus gave our best. de innocence, de purity... how i missed dem so. but i still rmb de first taste of victory. do u?? i still rmb de first time i played in toa payoh sports hall. still rmb de first time my captain hold up de pledge. dere were flashes frm camera.. claps.. screams n tears of joy. hate to mention, but rmb de first taste of defeat. de first taste of elimination n i rmb clearly it was nationals top 8. against chij tp, st hildas n northland. champ of each zone came under one grp. chij tp too god, no need to tok abt it.=X de remaining 3 of us fought lik hell to be in top 2 to enter semi. my team lost to northland n st hildas by 4. st hildas won northland by 1. well, pretty a fair guage. we're NOT DERE in dat grp. we were sore. we kept thinkin we cld hav made it to top 4 if we were in de other grp.. but, tournaments r lidat. 10% luck. we din hav it. SORE!! but honestly, we nv knew how hurtful it was to lose a match till den. we nv treasure de championship till we lost.

dere again, a 2nd yr, a tough fight, yet we cliched it. my principal had nv smiled so widely b4.. felt lik punching his face n say "betta treat us good when u see us in sch!". hypocritical shit.

3rd yr, last yr, sec 4. din make it. our team had too much internal shits. players grew.. grew out of innocence n purity. n dat's y i hate it so much. some players care too much abt fame. too many distractions frm outside. we cldn't conc in trg as a team. players left de team halfway n joined back near de season. wad shit. i knew we cldn't make it.. but was hoping some luck will be wif us so as to pull it thru to top 4. i hated dose players dat abandoned our team halfway soo much!! y even bother to come back? guilty conscious or ulterior motive lik gaining fame? i hate dem so n put de fault of our lost to dem. a leader shld nv despise ur teammates. but i dun care. i hated dem. however, since games lost can nv be replayed, i dun wanna bear dat grudge n lose a dear bond dat i once shared. forgive n forget, yes Lord. i did. hugged, cried, n apologised. everythin's too late, yet din come late. once last grap as a team.. n 3 of us sadly big goodbye to dis team we're soOo damn proud of, while de rest stayed for sec 5.we created history. it's time to let it go n leave it to succeeding teams (sounds so old).

dis yr, i'm soOo glad dey made it again!! we got back wad we once lost. though many teachers worried dat our juniors cannot keep up de results.. it's alrite i told dem. another legend batch will come up again.. may be many yrs ltr or may be jus next batch of sec 1s coming in.. de coaches left wif us. ms koh went australia, sarah ventured in her own career, ms lee "retired". so, it's impossible for de 3 of us to go back n play wif juniors again.. cos we dun train wif seniors nor juniors. isolationist policy. history. haha! n coaches changed, even teacher in charge. so wad for go back? everythin's changed. but somethin still remains de same. it lives within me..

(ahh.. finally, sa ppl if u wan, dis part more relevant..)

now i hav another team to grow wif.. saints netball. dis team reminds me of how i started in ctss.. lets do it again. i noe we can! we'll put in extra effort! but i hate my ankles for being so weak. i'm hyped up but i cld do nth abt it.=( i love dis team. i saw myself growing wif my darls. lets say, frm a "dunno wad's really a gossip" person to a hardcore gossiper.. but actually i still dun gossip much. i hav no source of info lik my darls do. but i listen alot!! damn interesting la! hahaha! i learn to sacrifice myself much more jus for my frenz too.. you yi wan shui!!

penned at*8:41 PM