' shut up and listen.. '

Sunday, July 10, 2005

yea.. i'm blogging. isn't dat great? germ kept askin me to close dis down. but NO WAY! dream on germ! wahahha!

yea, as my title says "i'm feelin.. question marks." i dunno wad i'm feeling.. but dere're many random deep tots inside my head. i dunno wad to feel.. haha! guess i'm jus weird. oh ya! btw, can u imagine tricia's actually 65% normal n germ's 55% normal.. maylene too.. wth?! how can dey be more normal den me?! no way! guess de test's a flop.. or rather, i'm jus sore.. haha! at least i'm unique! i'm special.. dat's wad feng rui said.. hee! guess he's consoling me..

yup, let me share wif u a few of my deep random tots.

firstly, on fri's trg.. i'm really showing big F attitude. i'm sorry guys.. i'm truly remorseful. my pms is gettin me, i'm losing self control.. help me! think i need to pray more n start goin back to church! i dun wan any happening church.. jus peaceful, holly, committed church. it's all i need..=) ok, back to de pt.. mr teh told us sth which touched moz of us.. his speech set me thinkin as well.. he said sth abt being in a team is not jus abt being happy.. yes, we all r having fun n he has no doubt abt our commitment n support for one another.. yet, he said happiness is not de main product u get out of a team.. it's a by-product. we need sth stronger to bind us together.. for eg, de aim of achieving results.. de desire to improve n play betta. cos if let's say one day (touch wood), anythin bad happen n set de whole team to fall out, we wun be happy coming to trg.. n if happiness is de main product of de trg, all of us will not show up anymore.. however, if we hav a common goal of to climb up n grab a title in next yr's season, we will still stay togther n train hard.. dat brought me back to my sec sch's team memory..

for my sec sch team.. it stood a huge part of my sec sch days memories.. cos lik now, we spent moz of de times together as a team.. but it was different. in sajc, we spent moz of de times togther cos we love each other n we r having fun. but in my sec sch (ctss), we spent moz of de time togther doing nth but training. we train lik nobody's business. run at LEAST 3km wif weights ard our ankles, skip 1000 times, 70 sit-sit ups, 70 push-ups. 50 times per kind throw wif one partner including medicine balls, EVERY training. sian diao rite? n it was ard 2.30 pm.. when de sun's UP dere.. dere was a period of time we had to carry either 5 or 10 kg (first come first serve basis) medicine balls to run.. dat was crazy! n we had to wear weights for de whole trg.. nv to take dem off till de last 10 min of trg.. n all of us cld lik FLY! haha! we had to run whole sch sometimes wif de stairs n medicine balss too. i miss dose days.. when nth frm napha n pe seemed to tire me out.. however, we did not really lik one another. we had teammates showing attitudes dat no one cld stand, back stabbing etc.. we had quarrels n black faces for trg. n all of us were faking unity in front of our coaches n teachers. we all knew dat deep down inside.. maybe our coaches noe too. cos my coach told us before n drilled dat into our hearts.. she said "i dun care u guys hate who n wad grudes u all had for one another! when u train, u train as a team! when u step inside de court i wan 7 best frenz! u behave lik best frenz n play lik best frenz in dere!! out of court, dat's none of my business n u can kill each other.." yea.. all of us rmb dat clearly.. though we hate certain ppl, we tried our best to keep de team together.. cos we had a common goal.. to be de champion. sec 1, we can diss one another till everyone cried. de kinda unity on court is overt n faking de unity is obvious out of court too. sec 2, we den tasted de real sweetness when we got west zone champ. we still din noe how precious it was.. maybe cos we were arrogant or ignorant? only till nationals quarter finals, when we lost our first game, we den realised de true meaning of teamwork n victory.. only till den, we became more patient n magnanimous wif one another.. jus to keep de team goin.. we wanted to achieve champion again next yr! n dat's wad kept us togther.. though dere was no love.. LOl! n yea.. dat's sth stronger den individual's wants.. when u noe dat dere's sth dat can only be achieved if de whole team wants it n if de whole team is WILLING to work towards it.. a team's want - victory. yup, victory doesn't last foreva, frenship n team bond do. but dat do not mean that we do not wan to taste victory.. it's short, yet sweeet n unforgettable, at least to me. of cos, different teams go thru different stuffs. lik some other schs, deir trg was much much tougher den mine. dat's wad made dem a more skillful team. but dey were faking de unity too.. seems lik if u wan championship, dere's not much joy.. when u wan joy, championship is far away.. i dunno wad i wan.. i noe champion is impossible for sajc now. let's be practical, unless miracle happens. but dat doesn't mean dat we cant go near dere.. top 4 is definitely achievable if we wan to. seriously.. but i'm skeptical.. i'm so afraid dat de team will change, i will change.. i'm happy wif wad i hav now.. i'm afraid to ask for more..(not dat i hate pepsi-ask for more). everythin dat is so wonderful now.. wld it be jus a smoke screen? uhhhh... i dunno... i hate to think so much.

ok, enuff of de team stuffs.. guess it's boring u.. let tok abt bgr? "ooh, interesting" i heard dat.. haha! ok, who say looks r not important? my ass! anyone who says dat "i go for personality", bullshit! if i place someone super fat n super ugly gal n a hot, pretty gal side by side, u dare to say u wun lik de pretty gal? u dare to say u will tok to de both of dem, date both of dem n see who has got de betta character? i bet u'll jus go to de pretty gal n get to noe her betta, hopefully, she likes u too, n even forget dere's dis fat n ugly gal beside her isn't it? well.. many ppl go for looks. as in, even if she's got sucky n bitchy attitude, he'll still wan her cos she's pretty, dat's all. ppl who say "i go for personality" comes wif a condition - she muz be at least avg lookin. let me decipher wad someone means when he/she says "i go for personality". it means dat.. even if de gal is damn pretty, i wun lik her if she's got sucky attitude. i wld rather go for a LESS good lookin gal (not ugly) wif a betta perosnality. dat's de harsh fact. everyone will definitely go for sth dat pleases de eye.. n not everyone can see de inner beauty at first sight. (if u can, dat's not inner beauty anymore). for me, I GO FOR PERSONALITY (u noe wad i mean). yup, looks capture de eye, but personality catches de heart n soul.. i wld still live if i'm blind. but i wld die w/o my heart. i'm not blind, n dun wanna be blind. of cos, i'll be attracted to cute guys, which gal wun? but liking is a total diff issue..=) lucky for me, not every guy goes for looks, or i'll jus die a virgin. sounds sick.. haha! put it in another way.."or i'll jus die w/o dates.' haha!

dere's dis wonderful quote frm nick's blog :"If you judge people, you will have no time to love them"-Mother Teresa. rmb dat.. cos u dun wan ppl to judge, but love u, too.

i noe i'm blogging damn alot of crap.. u muz be fallin asleep. but i enjoy it! haah! so read on or close de window. told ya dere're lotsa deep n random tots.. dat's y i'm blogginf long n crappy stuffs.

"Punctuality is the virtue of the bored."-Evelyn Waugh. yup, frm nic's blog too.. n i totally agree wif dat. bet mlene n germ too! haha! read dis hsin!! stop being punctual unless u're bored!!=P

btw.. i came to realise long ago dat nth last foreva.. except in de hearts. yea.. call me pessimistic. but i'm much more optimistic den u guys think i am. i expect de worst.. cos ppl owaz say things seldom happen de way u expect dem to.. so i owaz think of de bad things.. so de bad things wun happen.. haha! n when u expect de worst of de worst, nth can be worse rite? dat means dat sth will definitely turn out betta den wad u expected n u'll be contented wif wadeva outcome. as in, u'll be much happier den ppl who expect it to turn out wonderful but turn out worse den wad dey expect.. do u get wad i mean? so when things really turn out bad, i will get over dem very soon.. sorta lik, "i tot it'll be worse, but it's not.. so y shld i be sad?" haha! but when i really hope n expect for sth to turn out good, n when it din, i'll be damn sad.. jus lik my previous relationship. so u can say dat i dun see much in my future relationships anymore.. no confidence? hmm.. in wad? not in myself, not in my future partner.. but to promises n commitments. i dun wan dese 2 things to come into my life, at least not for now.. i noe i'm tokin randomly.. random tots ma.. underlying msg is : owaz expect de worst to happen.. expect a few scenarios.. n when sth really turns out bad, look at de brighter side. keep telling urself de positive consequences to de negative outcomes.. i'm owaz doing dat..dat's my secret to happy life! haha!

but deep down inside, i'm afraid.. everythin dat's in my life now is so wonderful dat it makes me doubt it's duration.. i hav wonderful teammtes aka frenz, a good home life now (peaceful), good loyal frenz (FC gang) lik feng rui n fiona, someone who treats me damn nice, (real).. wad more can i ask for?? oh, ok, perhaps my academic result.. haha!=X things change, ppl too. jus hope dat de change is not drastic, hurtful n wun make me sad.. how i hope things n ppl wun change.. but dat's naive. jus hope dat i'm not de one who change n cause pain in others.. i dun wanna be de source of sorrow.. cos wad keep me goin r de smiles n laughters of others.. dey bring smile n laughter to me.

it's late.. 12:11 am now.. tml got sch.. cant slp too late. or more pimples will pop out. haha! but i practically slept de whole day today.. i'm sucha pig, i noe.. i wasted de whole sunday. i think i actually hav much more things to blog abt.. but i forgot. haha!

top 10 quotes dat i live by:

1."forgive n forget" - frm de bible.

2. "love one another" - frm de bible.

3. u cant lose wad u dun hav. so i'd rather not hav, not lose it, den hav it n risk losing it.

4. "follow ur heart n not ur mind. a person who's brain dead can still live, a person whose heart is dead can nv live" -by mr chiang.

5. nth last foreva, except in de hearts.

6. "if u cant change sth u dun lik, change de way u feel it" by forgot-who.

7. nv change urself to fit into a clique. change ur clique to fit urself.

8. "nv leave someone u lik for someone u love" by forgot-who. *new*

9. "to de whole u may jus be a someone, to someone, u may be de world"- by forgot-who.=P

10. "If you judge people, you will have no time to love them"-Mother Teresa. *new*

guess u guys r complainin dat i owaz nv blog.. den once i blog, blog so much crap rite? haha! fine. used to it. LOl. good nite ppl! muacks! 1230am now.=)

penned at*10:35 PM