Wednesday, April 27, 2005
yay.. today team sajc netball played against yjc. thrashed dem!! LOl. score was 65-8. but i din play today. well.. here comes de reason y i blog:
i din play! all 4 quads! yes. u heard me.=( damn sian, damn sad, damn pissed. zhen ta ma de. omg, cant believe i used all dese words..dis is de moz vulgar entry so far.. ok, lets start frm de first thing he came to sa today, b4 our match. he talked abt strategy.. yet, left me out, which usually i'll be dere to listen. good lor, dun teach me lor, i'm so gonna screw him if he puts me on court & scolds me for doing de wrg thing. cos he din even teach me wad to do la! how m i supposed to noe wad to do rite? if u think wth coach is he, dis was only de beginning..
he din fill me in even for one quad. all 4 quads em was playin wa. frm de 3rd quad onwards, he put in ally & ade in.. i saw de both of dem warming up, getting ready to play.. but me, standing beside de video cam, doing nth n watch dem warm up enviously.. another "WHY??" popped up in my head. even in de last quarter, when ata fell n cldn't play, phoebe took over ata's GS, em took GA, which meant WA's place was empty, he din even fill me in.. he filled in ade. ta ma de lor! "hey! u've got a wa here, in front of u n u dun wanna put me in?? ade's sick n she's a centre! hello??? moreover i was playin WA all de while till 2 days ago?" i really cld not think of a partial reason for dat. de final whistle blown n everythin ended. i pretended i wasn't affected at all all de while in front of teh. jus din wanna let him see wad he expected to see-disappointment/sadness.
during de de-brief, den i had eye contact wif him. de first eye contact of de day. aft de de-brief, i was sitting quite near him & was packing my stuffs, while thinkin abt de game, why he din wanna put me in n play all dat, i realised he was lik "peeping" at my direction, lik observing me, tryin to see if i'm sad or not.. or maybe gonna tok to me or stuffs lidat?? but i dunno. my first instinct was to get away. i quickly stood up n hopped to my other teammates n talked as if i'm de happiest person in de world. i cld sense his eyes following me when i hopped past him, rather shocked dat i can still be "happy". but i truly wasn't. in fact, was totally hurt.=(
i knew dere was sth goin on.. playin mind games wif me? i was avoiding eye contact wif him all de while. cos i dun wan him to see de disappointed/sad expression in my eyes.. i noe he noes somehow dat i was affected not being able to play n all.. but.. i dunno.. i'll not succumb to him so easily la seriously.. ok, dis showed i'm not soft k? jus cos i dun throw my temper on court i'm called a soft player? go eat shit la.=X ok, i dunno his reasons n i took 2 days to put myself in his shoes. i cant.. i mean, i still cldn't figure out wad he's thinkin. fine. lik wad phoebe said, i shld jus confront him..eh, i mean, TALK to him. n to really tell him how i feel all dat. i'm not soft, seriously. n i'll not succumb to any opponent dat comes my way. i bet my life on dat. cos i WILL NOT giv in!
dis friday, i'm gonna hav a friendly against sp(singapore poly). i dun wan to be left on de shelf again. i jus cant help but to feel so unimportant in de team suddenly.. ppl owaz say, "it's ok la, u still got next yr". but i trained so hard for dis season.. i got it. i got into de main team. w/o warning, my importance jus flew away, or rather, vanished into de thin air.. it made me feel so fed up cos of dat fat ass bob's comment sayin i was soft dat cost my dream. *angry* i think i shld tok to teh ya? so he'll noe dat i'm not easily pushed ard or manipulated by him = not soft? hahaha! wish me luck ppl.. hope dat i'll get back my main 7 position in de team.
I AM NOT SOFT! I WANT TO BE BACK IN DE MAIN TEAM! I WANT IT SO BADLY! GIVE IT TO BACK TO ME NOW!!!
