' shut up and listen.. '

Friday, March 04, 2005

training wasn't DAT though compared to ctss's tough training.
it was hard for me. i was soo off form today. soOooooo damn off.
my ankle hurt. aggravated my old injury.
my legs were weak & so was my mind.
i cld not concentrate. felt soo suppressed. so stressed,
wif someone kept grabbing every single little bit of mistake i made.
i felt someone consistently keeping an eye on me.
i cld not play well dis way. i need to keep my mind off all these on court.
i USED to be able to do dat. i cld actually do dat. but not today.
everythin seemed to not work out de way i wanted. i was pissed.
pissed wif myself. "why?? concentrate giel!"
i told myslef umpteen times. but till de end of training, i was still pissed.
i noe i played badly today..
i hav an expectation to live up to. n dun wan to disappoint anyone..
i wan to improve! play well! be merry on court!
i wan to play lik myself..
i wan to be driven by my heart, n not my head.
but today, i used my head.
i mind too much abt my play, how mr tay wants me to play.
too much thought was in my head. i did not follow my ball sense & my intuition to move on court.
i felt lik i was in a lost world instead of a netball court.
i will wan to do betta. i will, i noe.. cos i wan to.

penned at*11:58 PM